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On Attraction and Love

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Men and women engage in identical behaviours—complaining, offering solutions, needing validation, resisting criticism. The difference isn’t biological, it’s interpretive. We cast the same behaviour as reasonable for one gender and unreasonable for the other. Gray’s book is a perfect case study: emotionally troubled men are normalised while women’s ordinary needs are pathologised.

Men Aren't From Mars

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Gender essentialism is having a moment. Everyone’s reading books about what it means to be a man or woman, and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus keeps getting recommended to me like it’s gospel. Here’s the thing: the book perfectly illustrates a pattern we see everywhere. The same behaviours—complaining, offering advice, needing reassurance, getting defensive—are cast as reasonable when men do them and unreasonable when women do them. Gray’s men are emotionally fragile and his women just want basic partnership, but somehow it’s the women who need to lower their expectations. This isn’t about men and women. It’s about how we frame identical behaviours differently based on who’s doing them.
Men and women engage in identical behaviours—complaining, offering solutions, needing validation, resisting criticism. The difference isn’t biological, it’s interpretive. We cast the same behaviour as reasonable for one gender and unreasonable for the other. Gray’s book is a perfect case study: emotionally troubled men are normalised while women’s ordinary needs are pathologised.
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betterment connection somatic-architecture collective-architecture on-(un)happiness on-culture on-love

article

This book is basically, “men are terribly emotionally fragile, and they can make small steps to be better, but women need to just <em>stop bothering them with all their pedantry</em> and just let them be who they are.”

Men and women are from earth, fool pt. III

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I’m going to shit all over this ridiculous 30-year old pseudo-psychology book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus that people keep trying to talk to me about now that gender essentialism is getting trendy again. Here I cover Gray’s astonishment that ‘women’ might have ordinary needs. It is the most amusing, and infuriating, aspect of the book.
This book is basically, “men are terribly emotionally fragile, and they can make small steps to be better, but women need to just stop bothering them with all their pedantry and just let them be who they are.”
Check it out

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betterment connection somatic-architecture collective-architecture on-(un)happiness on-culture on-love

article

I guarantee, no matter how sexy traditional gender roles are to you, that you do <em>not</em> want to be like Gray’s ‘men’.

Men and women are from earth, fool pt. II

article

I’m going to shit all over this ridiculous 30-year old pseudo-psychology book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus that people keep trying to talk to me about now that gender essentialism is getting trendy again. Here I cover, in depth, the emotional fragility of whatever it is Gray considers to be ‘men’.
I guarantee, no matter how sexy traditional gender roles are to you, that you do not want to be like Gray’s ‘men’.
Check it out

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betterment connection somatic-architecture collective-architecture on-(un)happiness on-culture on-love

article

Not only is there is absolutely no difference between men and women in how they complain or offer criticism, but the ‘men’ Gray describe could be used as textbook example of people with social anxiety.

Men and women are from earth, fool pt. I

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I’m going to shit all over this ridiculous 30-year old pseudo-psychology book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus that people keep trying to talk to me about now that gender essentialism is getting trendy again. Here I cover the obvious grifter that is John Gray, and his first, disturbing chapter.
Not only is there is absolutely no difference between men and women in how they complain or offer criticism, but the ‘men’ Gray describe could be used as textbook example of people with social anxiety.
Check it out

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betterment connection somatic-architecture collective-architecture on-(un)happiness on-culture on-love

article

Group dynamics are often thought to be a complicated thing to explore. But a 50-year-old model explains much of it with only three things: a need for Belonging, for Affection, and for Control.

Explaining group dynamics

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From our friends to our lovers, there are always imbalances in a relationship. William Schutz has a theory about why. He breaks it down into three things that determine how you pick your social networks, how well you click with people and whether or not things fall apart.
Group dynamics are often thought to be a complicated thing to explore. But a 50-year-old model explains much of it with only three things: a need for Belonging, for Affection, and for Control.
Check it out

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connection collective-architecture somatic-architecture gratification on-love on-friendship on-politics-and-power
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